Pearl Jam - M.E.N - July 2012
Every so often, we are all privileged enough to experience a shared moment profound enough to take us outside the limitations of our own biased, subjective experience. We find in these moments the elevation of our individualistically interpreted recollections to somewhat more inclusive, loftier realms, and it feels great! We literally forget ourselves, and go with the flow of bodies, energy and sameness. Most of us have at some point or another been part of a number of people with a shared objective or purpose, a higher calling perhaps, be it a live music event, a public speaking, the races (quadruped of your choice), a retreat, the turning on of the Christmas lights even. The feeling can be magical and generate a sense of delight, unity and perspective that we seldom experience in more insular moments. That's wonderful, when we are all reading from the same page, but the collective can both nourish, and hinder those seeking to be true individuals. If we want to be individuals in the truest sense of the word, it appears that we may need to approach the concept of "group" with a sense of balance.
Generally speaking, group or crowd situations seem to most often become problematic when diversity presents us with other individuals who hold differing/opposing views, or where we no longer all share a unity of purpose. Uniformity of opinions can also give way to the isolation of the individual. We can feel lost, small, directionless and adrift. In this context it is understandable why the term "herd mentality" is used so ubiquitously these days with negative connotations. The herd can offer protection, but can also be easily lead en-mass to the slaughter house. Many people today are growing concerned about homogenised high streets, and about corporate media encouraging mindless conformity and conditioning. We can be understandably mistrusting of groups and collectives, and Western popular culture today does all in it's power to promote both social conformity and material individualism. We are told to have our own house, our own flatscreen TV, our own car, our own life. At the same time, we are also encouraged to spend vast amounts of time, and more importantly, money, on our collective identities. Following the band or sports team of your choice involves expense, and that's fine as far as the accountants are concerned. People find in their job too a sense of social standing and societal value that can become very unhelpful if left to develop untended, and we all know the foolishness of trying to "keep up with the Jones'", right? Our sense of self worth and who we are is actually all we are, to us at least. We flatter ourselves to think that we are free-range humans, that we are authentically different and unique, and to prove it, we go and make all the same decisions as everyone else! However, not only that, but our ego tries to stop us doing things which might undermine the it, or at least draw our focus to the external, wider world. This certain I feel is one of the reasons lots of people get scared about joining or being affiliated with religious organisations, of any sort. It is a fear of a loss of one's own identity as an 'individual' which we fear so greatly. We don't wish to go with the flow simply because our friends do. If there is a flow worth going with, it is on out own terms, and nobody else's, that we will tentatively lower ourselves into the icy current.
Generally speaking, group or crowd situations seem to most often become problematic when diversity presents us with other individuals who hold differing/opposing views, or where we no longer all share a unity of purpose. Uniformity of opinions can also give way to the isolation of the individual. We can feel lost, small, directionless and adrift. In this context it is understandable why the term "herd mentality" is used so ubiquitously these days with negative connotations. The herd can offer protection, but can also be easily lead en-mass to the slaughter house. Many people today are growing concerned about homogenised high streets, and about corporate media encouraging mindless conformity and conditioning. We can be understandably mistrusting of groups and collectives, and Western popular culture today does all in it's power to promote both social conformity and material individualism. We are told to have our own house, our own flatscreen TV, our own car, our own life. At the same time, we are also encouraged to spend vast amounts of time, and more importantly, money, on our collective identities. Following the band or sports team of your choice involves expense, and that's fine as far as the accountants are concerned. People find in their job too a sense of social standing and societal value that can become very unhelpful if left to develop untended, and we all know the foolishness of trying to "keep up with the Jones'", right? Our sense of self worth and who we are is actually all we are, to us at least. We flatter ourselves to think that we are free-range humans, that we are authentically different and unique, and to prove it, we go and make all the same decisions as everyone else! However, not only that, but our ego tries to stop us doing things which might undermine the it, or at least draw our focus to the external, wider world. This certain I feel is one of the reasons lots of people get scared about joining or being affiliated with religious organisations, of any sort. It is a fear of a loss of one's own identity as an 'individual' which we fear so greatly. We don't wish to go with the flow simply because our friends do. If there is a flow worth going with, it is on out own terms, and nobody else's, that we will tentatively lower ourselves into the icy current.
Thus we have a problem. The age-old paradoxes of individualistic conformity or uniform individuality, (which used to irritate me so much as a highly strung, gothic teenager) arose once more when this month I was confronted with the implications of my own Mitra convention. Not to suggest that I habitually over-think every decision I make (that is besides the point), but forgive me if some of life's decisions are worth more of a gentle pondering over with regards to their deeper implications. Some fat needs to be chewed a little longer before you can swallow it. Committing yourself to a religious organisation such as Triratna, however consistently reassuring, is one of them.
How can the "individual" function in the interdependent framework of "the group"? Can true individuality even exist in the context of "the group"? Am I over-using "quotation marks", and have I fully grasped their grammatical function? These and a happy myriad of other thoughts of varying uselessness and seriousness passed through my mind that day. I wondered if other Mitras-to-be were just as nervous as me as we tried to simultaneously turn to face the reality of our situation. I worried that I would not be a "good enough" Buddhist, that I would let people down, that somehow I would fail to live up to... something. That in the ceremony itself, I might stumble when presented with the offerings for the shrine, and shatter the solemnity of the occasion by crashing into shrine, sending candles, flowers and incense clattering. Or worse still, that in doing so, I might spontaneously erupt into a lively ball of flames and be reduced to a startled but sweetly-smelling oblivion! This continued for the rest of the day. Am I ready for this? Am I asking myself the right questions? What are the right questions?... And so on. I tried bringing myself back to my direct experience... What am I feeling? How am I feeling? Are these the right feelings? Are nerves a good sign? Are they a bad sign? Am I ready for this? Dammit, I'm back here again....
How can the "individual" function in the interdependent framework of "the group"? Can true individuality even exist in the context of "the group"? Am I over-using "quotation marks", and have I fully grasped their grammatical function? These and a happy myriad of other thoughts of varying uselessness and seriousness passed through my mind that day. I wondered if other Mitras-to-be were just as nervous as me as we tried to simultaneously turn to face the reality of our situation. I worried that I would not be a "good enough" Buddhist, that I would let people down, that somehow I would fail to live up to... something. That in the ceremony itself, I might stumble when presented with the offerings for the shrine, and shatter the solemnity of the occasion by crashing into shrine, sending candles, flowers and incense clattering. Or worse still, that in doing so, I might spontaneously erupt into a lively ball of flames and be reduced to a startled but sweetly-smelling oblivion! This continued for the rest of the day. Am I ready for this? Am I asking myself the right questions? What are the right questions?... And so on. I tried bringing myself back to my direct experience... What am I feeling? How am I feeling? Are these the right feelings? Are nerves a good sign? Are they a bad sign? Am I ready for this? Dammit, I'm back here again....
Why do we have to feel "ready" for anything? Again, we can acknowledge intellectually that there is no fixed personality within us to be "ready" to become a Mitra (if we couldn't, then we would be on the threshold of becoming Mitra in the first place, ironically) but appreciating it, as always, is another thing altogether. It was in the midst of this emotional spin-cycle of self-absorption that, for no real reason, a thought occurred to me. What is actually going on here? I realised that all that was happening was that I was distracting myself from my own direct experience, and that another form of egotism had insidiously arisen. I have a dilemma! I am nervous! I am over thinking it! I am the centre of the universe right now....! THAT is what was happening! Mara, the Buddhist manifestation of delusion, greed and hatred, had entered the fray. The Lord of Samsara, of everything that could ever hinder our spiritual progress, had donned a new outfit and, dressed as the doctor, was subversively poisoning the patient!
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| Mara - what modern Jungian psychology would call the 'shadow self'. Our dark side, our nasty streak, our selfish, self-centred attitudes, all have been traditionally referred to as 'Mara' in Buddhist tradition, and the figure is of massive symbolic and psychological importance yo Buddhists. The Devil within, whispering negativity and doubt, as opposed to the Devil external... |
I have often thought that we in the West are woefully ignorant to the true influences on and of our subconscious minds; the media, advertising, passing social trends and fads, they shape us all. We naively and arrogantly assert to ourselves and anyone listening that we are above it all, that we couldn't possibly be swayed by public pre-conceptions. As true as that may be (and it REALLY isn't), what about our subconsciously shared, privately held ones? The fallacy that there is such a thing as a "good Buddhist". That terms such as "good" and "bad" are even appropriate in the context of Buddhist ethical conduct, or that there is a fixed "self" to be "ready" for anything? This is all Mara! And the ceremony itself? A joyous, awe-inspiring, life changing moment of serenity, excitement, in-trepidation and wonder. A cause for celebration. That evening, in front of some of their nearest and dearest, and within the refuge of our beloved Sangha, 14 people went forth. Took the smallest of steps in the greatest of directions. That which is towards enlightenment, to the realm of happiness devoid of all suffering, to dwell in the great equanimity that is devoid of attachment and aversion. For the benefit of all beings,
to Peace.
to Peace.
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| The shrine in The Lotus Hall, after the ceremony. Note the 14 candles, all the flowers each offered and placed by a shiny new Mitra! |
Becoming a Mitra is nothing more, and certainly nothing less, than a public declaration of commitment and intention. We over-think so much in this world. Such lamentable traps we lay for ourselves! And yet when we cast our gaze backwards we smile at our lack of foresight, and chuckling ruefully to ourselves we wander blindly into another one. Denial is a massive river in Egypt. We think to ourselves "how predictable, how foolish of me..." We beat ourselves up, and we act unskilfully towards ourselves. But that's why terms such as "skilful" or "unskilful" are so appropriate - its something that no-one can hope to perfect at the first attempt. It is a skill; to be trained in, to acquire over many, many years. As "unskilled" implies, anyone can do it, but to act skilfully is something to be refined, then to be redefined, and then to be practiced all over again. Being kind to yourself is hard. Going with your gut instinct is hard. Leaving the indescribable as just that is hard. That's why we Buddhist call it "practice". We are going against a lifetime (or many, depending on our own personal beliefs) of conditioning. And that's just it - we are not good people, we are not bad people, we are just conditioned. Nothing more, nothing less. My conditioning has lead me to become a person who likes to get to the bottom of things, who wants to know how things really are, and why things are that way. This incisive nature I believe is common to us all. This healthy questioning is what lead us all to shy away from societies many bells and whistles in the first place and ask if there was another way of living. A way of peace. A way of inner warmth and interconnectivity. A way of being present in the moment. Ironic then, that the quest for truth and individuality on our part leaves us in such a ignorant, egocentric state about joining a collective, an institution.
But there we have it; most of what we encounter in a Dharmic context can often seem paradoxical to the rational, logical mind. Many things are "Not one, and not two either". And that's ok. It's the one thing I'm not going to "question"...
This article was inspired by my Mitra ceremony, and also by my good friend and teacher, Arthakatu, who's gentle probing into the true nature of reality and consciousness seems to often yield more sustainable results than my often "sledgehammer-walnut" approach...
May any merit gained in my writing thus, go to the alleviation of suffering for all beings. May we all be well, may we all be happy, may we all progress through today mindfully, in peace.
Yours in metta,
The Dharma Farmer xx
