It's the Small Change that Counts...

....My finger, poised unsteadily over the blinking screen, suddenly seemed a very long way from me indeed. A mile or two at least... Suddenly, from no-where, a tugging sensation. I jumped, uttering an disconcertingly feminine yelp of surprise. "What the...?!" My thoughts seemed to be running backward into my skull from outside of me. Somewhere in the distance I became aware of a concerned voice amongst the steady throng of Friday-night traffic... There it was again, as if it were right next to me. "Mate, what are you doing?" The voice seems familiar. I can't place it. I feel my mouth form shapes that may or may not be words. I think I'm saying something. I'm not sure. I'm too busy working out what PIN means... Personal... Something?? Ah yes, it comes back to me! Identification number... And I burst out laughing uncontrollably. This I DO recall hearing... "A number..!" I cry out somewhat hysterically... "We can be reduced to a NUMBER...Four digits...HAHAHAHA!" This may have gone on for several minutes. It feels like hours. My ribs hurt I'm laughing so hard. The world is spinning. Everything seems to be flowing through me, the whole universe, infinite time and space... Ethereal and perfect in every way, beyond concept and form... But there's that damn tugging again, a little more insistent now, as I slowly enter my PIN... "Jesus, Jay, this is embarrassing, I'm begging you to stop this right now!" Another voice chimes in. "Please pal, there's no need. You don't want to do this. Trust me!" I look down....

Looking back this whole episode seems to be as if I am recalling a film, or something that someone told me about once, but either way, something I wasn't actually part of. And yet it's true. About 10 years ago in the days of reckless student abandon, after listening to the late, great comedian Bill Hicks whilst at the very zenith of a particularly intense mushroom trip, I found myself wanting to put what I had learnt into practise. Oh dear. To this day I can recall being slumped in a bean-bag at the party, and, with crystal like clarity, the sound of dear Bill slowly saying "all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vibration. Death isn't real, life is but a dream and we are in fact one consciousness experiencing itself... subjectively. We are the imagination of ourselves and life, well, It's just a ride folks! It isn't real or fixed. It's just a ride..." Well, that was it for me. 19 years old, and the doors of perception, their hinges already well oiled with a headily cocktail of youthful exuberance for the transcendental and a fistful of psychotropics, well and truly swung open. Bingo! The key to the padlocks of perception - what we Buddhists hesitantly call "shunyata" (or "emptiness") - I had stumbled across by accident, and in that golden, ethereal moment it all made perfect sense - the lack of a fixed self, and the suffering we experience when that already insubstantial notion of self tries to grasp at other equally impermanent phenomena and try to "own" them. How our miserable attempts at possession, be it a TV, a car, a partner or simply emotional stability within a fixed self are the root cause of all our suffering in this world... And I was going to change that! Starting tonight. On the way home. At that ATM. I do recall now the moment I looked down. The homeless man in question seemed to be about 40, had a few days worth of beard-growth and a woolly hat on, but beyond that my recollection is understandably hazy. I now cringe a little when i recall that moment when I came to, having been on such an ethereal high that I had totally forgotten taking the mushrooms in the first place, and remember now with a sense of acute embarrassment both my friend to my left and the gentleman sat at my feet, trying in vain to explain to me why withdrawing all my money and giving it to him was definitely NOT the act of a person in full possession (as it were) of his faculties. I was very much, once again, a young man with more on his mind than in it. "Please fella, take him home and get him to bed." I remember that very clearly, but only because I remember giggling at the thought that there was no "me" to put to bed, only a series of constantly shifting processes and mental stimulus/events. And the same went for my friend too, and the gentleman to whom i was attempting to give every penny I owned... I burst out laughing like a toddler again, as I wished him all the best, mumbled something about us all being one, gave him a hug and was presumably guided home via a stern grip on my elbow...

Now all this may seem a very unusual way to start an article introducing a new fund-raising idea for our beloved Manchester Buddhist Centre, but fear not, I am going somewhere with this. But before I attempt anything so daring or bold as a logical explanation, allow me first to explain the plan. A few weeks back a member of the centre team came up with a Dana campaign idea which I feel is nothing short of brilliant. As some of you may be aware this edition it to cover both June and July, for reasons which others have already explained. The plan for the month of June is for us all to bring in to the centre a few empty coffee jars or jam jars (lets be honest, any kind of glass receptacle will do - its all about the curiously gratifying "chink" as you drop something into it), and in the month of July there will be a stand in reception where you can simply walk over, take one home with you, and before you do your daily practise (visualisation, chanting, meditation, puja, reflection over a coffee, delete as appropriate etc), simply take whatever small change out of your pocket/wallet and, yep, you guessed it... "Chink-chink!" When full, bring it in - Simples! Maybe before you drop them in, take a second to close your eyes and feel the weight of the coins in your hand... How do they feel? Do you really identify with the coins? Are they you? Recall the first time you walked into the centre, or perhaps the first introductory course did there. Perhaps it was a meditation group, massage, Breathworks or yoga. Maybe you were with friends. Maybe you were alone. I recall very clearly the smell of incense and people holding doors open and smiling. That was enough to win me over, nag champra and good manners (I grew up in rural Wales - my personal ecstasy threshold is set unusually low!) But though differing our experiences may be of starting to use the centre on a regular basis, I know I'm not alone in being guilty of occasionally taking it for granted that it will always be there. Not often mind, but probably because I'm relatively new to the wonderful world of Triratna, as those of you who occasionally experience my enthusiasm and propensity for excitement already know. But I think we all could do with maybe taking stock once in a while of the fact that this wonderful place, lovingly and crafted with the generosity, hard-work and loving-kindness of countless unsung heroes, was not here for an awfully long time beforehand. They made it, quite literally, out of nothing, out of a vision, and one day, hopefully not for many hundreds of years, it too will cease to be. But this is no justification for complacency, and certainly does not excuse us neglecting to accept the obvious costs involved in providing such a haven for us all. How many of us have said or thought to ourselves "Oh, I do love coming here, it's a perfect little port amidst the oft turbulent oceans of life"? (or something to that effect, I tent to over-dramatise, forgive me). We all need somewhere to go where we can truly feel connected to our wonderful Sangha, and where we can study and discuss the indescribable majesty of the Dharma. Or if we so wish, simply sit, in quiet, rapturous wonder at the foot of Lord Buddha, the inexpressible Tathargata, the blessed and most excellent one one who went beyond all words and forms for the benefit of all sentient beings (and certainly didn't try and cheat his way there with a bag full of mushrooms and 90's existentialist comedy!)

*Tibetan form of the Boddhisatva "Avalokitesvara" (or, in Tibetan, "Chenrizig") - the archetypal Boddhisatva of infinite compassion - note the 4 arms signifying a desire to help alleviate the suffering of all beings...

So how do i justify starting a very simple request for coffee jars and a bit of loose change with a decade old recollection of a drugs trip that so very nearly ended in unmitigated disaster, or at the very least, resulted in an act of unskilled behaviour on my part? The answer lies in the archetypal Buddhist figure of the Boddhisatva,* the being who, in a nutshell, seeks enlightenment not only for himself, but for the benefit and eventual enlightenment of all sentient beings. This mindset, this unstoppable determination finds its form in the n'th degree of boundless, all inclusive compassion, and the desire to give whatever one has for the benefit of all others. Be it material or non-material (such as time, energy, fearlessness etc), the Boddhisatva strives continuously to ensure that no beings are left behind, and that the needs of all are met to the best of his or her ability. From this perspective, Dana (or generosity) becomes a spontaneous act, whereby the duality of the giver and the receiver is transcended, as is the given, and eventually even the very act itself (which was EXACTLY the frame of mind I found myself in that night - see how it all ties in?). The thought that occurred to me was simply whether when we give, are we giving in a skilled way or in an unskilled way? I feel that it is abundantly clear that taking a load of drugs and bankrupting yourself to prove an existential point to a drunken friend is NOT an example of skilled action in any way, shape or form. In fact, it's worth reflecting that the most skilled person there that night was the homeless man at the foot of the ATM, who could have very easily seen this as a gift from the heavens themselves. But no. He saw with infinite wisdom that I would have regretted it the next day, and selflessly and with a generosity that I dare say would be beyond most of us in that situation, refused to accept the money. I can't say for sure that I'd have done the same. Sat in front of a Mac computer, and in the warmth of my dressing gown, it's all too easy to say "Oh, of course I would have handed it back", but would I? I don't know, but it's something that the more I think about it, the more inspired I am to address Dana in a meaningful, skillful way, and make it an integral part of my daily practise. When we give, we need to be mindful that we give in a skillful way, for the right reasons. This is why "Sagha Works" (the voluntary cleaning of the building by its own Sangha), well...works! That which we give, we give it gladly, courteously and spontaneously, without any kind of later regret or with a desire to be recognised for it (or in my case to prove a point). When we give in this way, with hearts full of kindness and our awareness of others radiant and pure, this is indeed skilful Dana, the very perfection of Dana itself ("Dana-Paramita") or "That which conveys us and others to the other shore"...

In front of me are notes on some Dana-themed talks, along with notes on a superb ones by Sangharakshita and also Samacitta, but you know what, I'm not going to say much more on this. Their comprehensive and inspirational expositions are available for all on www.FreeBuddhistAudio.com, and besides which, I'd rather not spoil it for you. But i will say a few things very briefly for reflection. Firstly, there is a very good reason that Dana is the first of the six Perfections, the Transcendental Virtues (or Paramitas) in the scriptures. Think about it. It is basically metta (loving kindness) in action. It is listed before even Morality (or Sila). If anything, it would not be absurd to say that Dana when accompanied by wisdom (Prajniya) is the whole of the path. Desire, thirst and grasping dominate our lives, and the path we tread is one of helping ourselves and each other to become less self-referential. Less attached to "I, me, me, mine", to quote The Beatles, to reduce our craving within a material, conditioned world of impermanence and dukkha. This very act, of giving away what is "ours" allows us to open up spiritually, to feel more connected with the Sangha and the wider world, and to care for each others needs more freely and in a more unbiased way. By integrating something as simple as donating a few pennies (or pounds, be bold) into our daily practise, we can start to make small changes to old habits. For me personally, I hope it soon to be as much a part of my meditation as lighting my candles and incense. In traditionally Buddhist countries, it is common to give something away every day, so why not adopt this habit here? We need not feel that we are even "giving" anything; if we remember how much we all use the centre, we are merely sharing it amongst ourselves, transcending the duality of giver and receiver. In many ways, nobody is giving nothing to no-one. It's all about the small changes we make in our life, in our practise, in our daily habits, quite literally in this case. It really is the small change that counts. It really does add up....

*This article was inspired by a subtle blend of Bill Gleave's Dana-minded brilliance, and Sangharakshita's (the founder of the Western Buddhist Order) inspiring talks on the Boddhisatva Ideal - specifically one given in the late 60's entitled "Altruism and Individualism in the Spriritual Life". The edited version of this article that appeared in the Manchester Buddhist Centre newletter (June/July 2012) - for other stories on what is going on with us amiable lot on Manchester, go to http://www.manchesterbuddhistcentre.org.uk/sangha/news/june-july-newsletter.html

Once more, as always, any merit gained by myself in the writing of this article is dedicated to all sentient beings, and to the aleviation of their suffering. May you be well, may you be happy, may you live in peace...

Yours, in metta,

The Dharma Farmer xx