Ah, welcome back, I trust the New Year finds you well thus far? If not, then I'm sorry to hear that, and this article may be for you. Recently, I was saddened to hear that several friends of mine outside the Sangha (and possibly some unknown one's within it) have sought professional help after having some kind of post-Christmas/Holidays melt down. Addiction demons and compulsive behaviours, kept at bay for so much of the year, are exacerbated and rear their ugly heads one more in the financial, mental and chemical oblivion that marks out the post-Christmas/New Year period as a particularly gloomy and depressing time for so many. If lucky enough to have employment, we rise, go back to work and return home again under cover of darkness, as vitamin D levels so vital for the production of our 'happy hormones' plummet. "Same old, same old", we say to each other, and trudge away from the festive glow, sadly shaking our heads, crestfallen. For some, the loneliness of a Christmas absent of loved one, or seasonal cheer not manifesting as promised can really be a strain, exacerbated by low temperatures, lower bank balances and (in the northern hemisphere) shorter 'days' to varying degrees. In addition, at this time of year the preoccupation with dispatching oneself in an untimely fashion is understandably at it's highest, especially amongst sufferers of S.A.D (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Mercifully, despite all this, all modern evidence suggests that actual suicide rates do not go up until March or April, so if ever there was a time to act, to make a change, now would be it!
Perhaps there is some link between the rest of the world budding to life during the re-emergence of Spring, and the sufferer being unable to feel the same rebirth, renewal, the same simple joys of a new, warmer, more living season in their hearts? If you can't feel the same spring in your step as the new-born lambs, then to the slaughter you both shall go... A feeling perhaps of being left behind as the rest of the world starts giggling at in the pleasingly comical sight of pale flesh protruding from skimpier attire and convertible car-roofs being let down several months too early in moments of commendable optimism. I am not a clinical psychologist, but even I know that the 'January Blues' or 'New Year's Slump' can affect any of us over a lifetime, and thus feeling hopelessly impotent in the face of the suffering of several close friends, here are a few tips and hints, from a Buddhist perspective, on how to Beat the Blues and be a light for others in the darkest months of the year. You don't have to take them on all on at once, but whatever you do, try setting yourself small, realistic and manageable goals in the short-term. You will be amazed at how quickly small change accumulates into great fortunes...
LOOK AFTER YOUR 'INNER WORLD'...
Almost self explanatory, but I feel this requires consideration still. As we all know, our mental and physical states are very much inter-dependent. Just as increased mental anguish causes demands on the body which eventually manifest psychosomatically, so too can prolonged physical discomfort (something I have been forced to deal with for 9 months now) have a bearing on one's energy levels and overall positivity. When we are physically fit and well, we sleep better, thus feel less anxious and drained the next morning, which has a direct bearing on our capacity to deal with stress. The excessive alcohol, food and in some cases drug consumption which typifies Christmas for so many can lead to a prolonged lack of quality sleep, which if kept up over the party season can lead to long term mental health risks:
1. Cut Out The Alcohol/Drugs and Drink More Water!
Christmas and New Years is a time to eat drink and be merry, but how merry, and for how long? Have you ever seen a drunk with a hangover at the same time? What about the 'other stuff', the pills, 'wraps' and 'columbian marching powder' too? I'm gong to proceed on the basis that if you have a crippling heroin or crack addiction, you need professional help, but for everyone else, what about drugs as 'innocuous' as cannabis or alcohol? Both, in different ways, will affect the brain's capacity to enter 'deep sleep', or the R.E.M (Rapid Eye Movement) stage of the sleep cycle. One of the main reasons that depression is so readily associated with both of these drugs is most often a simple lack of restitution. Obviously, abuse of both, either or indeed any other stimulants such as caffeine or cocaine will also affect the body as it tries to force a fortnight of accumulated toxic sludge through your kidneys and liver. Any poisons our bodies ingest or create as a result will require water to break them down in the liver, and the waste products are excreted via the kidneys, as we all know. As part of this process then, it is unsurprising that most dieticians recommend drinking a LOT of water as part of any detox program to flush out our lymphatic systems, the pathways along which poisons in the blood are removed and sent to the kidneys for removal. Processed foods too have a high salt/sugar content, which in turn requires more energy from the body to deal with, leaving us feeling drained, overly sensitive and unsure why... By reducing our alcohol intake significantly (or by taking "time out" for a few weeks), we can get better a night's sleep, and consistently well-rested people are able to cope with the mundane stresses and vicissitudes of the New Year much more easily than those still trying to keep the party going!
2. Get more QUALITY sleep!
This does not mean napping in front of a fire with a half-empty bottle of imitation Tesco's Champagne (or even real Champagne) poised precariously in hand, but real sleep, involving a bed and everything! Getting your head down for four hours in a bath with a sleeping bag doesn't count, sorry. It's a trick I used to employ (being a heck of a lot easier than buying and carrying an air bed to a friend's house) and aged 18, there was something admirably resourceful, idiosyncratic and hardy about being able to sleep anywhere, at any time, on any amount of booze or drugs. Fast forward a mere 5 or 10 years, and what passed for student chic is now more likely to ruin the next day rather than make the party. I myself spent most of Christmas 2013 up all night working on "A Bodhisattva's Christmas Carol" (literally, sometimes in 11 hour stints) and slept less than 5 hours a night for most of the fortnight proceeding the 'big day' too, and as a result was an emotional wreck! With the pandemonium that the holiday season affords so many of us, with all the shopping for food and gifts, all well intended, now is absolutely he right time to remind ourselves why 'nest is best', as an old friend used to joke. There is an old wives tale about how an hour's sleep before midnight is worth twice that of an hour afterwards, but whether this is simple maths or indeed some type of biological phenomenon (I expect the former), it's certainly no coincidence that many of my friends have decided that this year will be a year of as many early nights as possible. Sangharakshita (my teacher) has said that he wonders if the reason so many of us struggle to even go to bed at night is because we feel on some level that we haven't really achieved anything of value during the day? It's certainly an interesting thought, and resonates with me this end, so in a similar vein, I've decided to make 2014 the year that I start rising earlier too.
As 'Mr. E' (Mark Everett, son of Nobel prizewinning physicist Hugh Everett) from 'Eels' sang in an open letter to unborn progeny on 'Things The Grandchildren Should Know':
"I go to bed real early/ Everybody thinks it's strange/ I get up early in the morning too/ No matter how disappointed I was with the day before/ It feels new..."
There is a lot of truth in that, and these words of advice come from a man with a life-long history of managing his bi-polar tendencies and depression. If we can fill our days with wholesome (i.e. that which does not cause us to feel fragmented, but leaves us more 'together' in ourselves) activities and worthwhile, productive endeavours, then not only will we be more tired and sleep better, but we will also have less to do tomorrow, and feel less stressed as a result. With renewed vigour and much more energy in the mornings, this should lead us naturally to get more done, and feel better about what we do afterwards.
3. Eat Better!
You are what you eat, as the saying goes, but never more so has this been true. Whilst there is nothing intrinsically wrong with grazing on E-Numbers, Twigglets and After Eight mints for 18 hours a day every now and then, it certainly wouldn't be advocated by many as a serious lifestyle choice for the other 360 days of the year. I adore cheese, and as a result almost never eat it as home as a snack... Just thinking about it is sending the 'cheese monkey' scattering to my shoulders to gnaw at my ears and tug my hair in the direction of the fridge, but my resolve holds firm. Why? Because you might as well just chew lard for all the good it does you. Phrases such as 'Christmas Weight', 'Festive Tummy' and "New Year's Detox' are commonplace for a reason. If we gorge ourselves senseless on brandy butter, sugary confectionary and mass produced meat (red or otherwise), is it any wonder we struggle to shift colds and cellulite, in equal measure, in the January months? Perhaps, with the new year upon us, try keeping a weeks worth of receipts from your food shopping, or keep a small notebook for a week or two documenting everything you eat/drink/smoke or spend. It gives you some clear indication what the long term costs of poor diet might be, physical, monetary and psychological, if left unabated for another month or two more. This time of year I try and get back into soup and casserole making. You can throw together £7 worth of parsnips, carrots, lentils, celery and potatoes into a load of garlic and chilli stock and just cover in an oven for two hours, checking every half an hour. It really is that simple, but something as elementary as that with rice or wholemeal bread can make all the difference to your mood the next day. Plus you get to feel quietly grown up about being entrusted with sharp kitchen utensils, which is always nice. If you have a few freezer tubs lying around, save a few portions, and you also have the self-satisfaction of being rather lazy for your next few meals. After all, why create more stress for yourself?
LOOK AFTER YOUR 'OUTER WORLD'...
Aside from the obvious kindness we can chose to extend to our bodies and minds, there are a few other general lifestyle/attitude changes we may want to consider implementing for a few weeks to get us through the long slow months ahead, before the cheeky wink of springtime beckons us forth into a new season. These have more to do with making our external lives easier and less stressful.
4. Work out your finances!
Ok, so Christmas is rarely cheep, and unless you grow your own vegetables and aren't above gift-wrapping carrots, the chances are that the holiday season, with all the hullabaloo of Hootenanny etc has set you back a pretty penny or two. Most people understandably want to get into the festive spirit of kindness and generosity, in and of itself no bad thing, but as a result, give way beyond their means. I am no exception to this rule. Granted, the last two weeks have been fantastic: I saw lots of family in Wales, and did several trips to Manchester and back over the last three weeks, wracking up approximately 700 miles. It was wonderful to connect with loved ones again, but petrol is not cheep, plus all the presents we have to buy people, plus the food, and maybe a novelty jumper or two. After all, what kind of Christmas party is without crap knitwear? Then you have the ubiquitous 'works do', and how much were all the taxis to people's houses because you couldn't command adequate (or legal) responsibility over your vehicle? It all adds up, and as I said, I'm not excluded from this either. This year, I think I got as far as January 4th before the seasonal call from my bank's branch manager, querying as to how I was proposing to pay for my credit card bill. This is a bill, you understand, towards which I have been sending 'interest only' sums for the last six years, and for a HSBC Mastercard I haven't actually used since 2006! For the last few weeks I have been watching my reserves (financial, but also physical and spiritual) be depleted drop by drop, sinking day by day, like some spiteful barometer. Now, with an extra-long month for most people, the pressure is mounting. I, for example, got paid on December 23rd, and will have to wait until January 28th before receiving my shiny farthings once more. It seems cruel to me that following the most expensive time of year, so many people across the world have to make their meagre puddle of rapidly evaporating means go so far.
Draw up a spread sheet on Excel, get an expenses notebook, scrawl it on your buttocks with lipstick - whatever it takes, just for goodness sake work out your budget for the immediate future at the very least. Some people will want to plan the upcoming 12 months, but for now, at least take stock of what you have, and double check your projected expenditure. If you fid yourself cutting it a little too fine for comfort, then do you have any unwanted gifts you could ebay? Are you sure you have enough money for that night out with friends? Do you really need another trip around the "Sales" to secure yet more "bargains"? I can't remember the last time I partook in the January sales... Probably about 1989, and even then, it would have been to audible protest and with much ill-tempered flailing, I'm sure! To paraphrase our old friend Mr. Dickens, if a man earns a pound and spends £1.05, he is said to be miserable, whereas if he earns £1 and spends 95p, he is said to be happy. That a solitary 10p can make such a difference as to whether we are delighted or distraught is astounding, empowering, and Sad but True, as Metallica pointed out, although they may not have been referring to matters of fiscal savvy. I can't recall now, but you get the point.
5. Connect with friends more!
For Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike, the feeling that we have some genuine and authentic connections and emotional bonds with other humans is of paramount importance to our sense of overall wellbeing. For Buddhists in particular, we place an emphasis on the Sangha, the community both local and global which we venerate and "Go To Refuge" to at times of strife. Whether we are spiritually inclined or not, we all benefit from friendship, compassion, and basic kindness being extended in our direction. Not only that, it is obvious to us just how much this connections means to our friends when we call them out of the blue, just to see how they are. Think yourself on how warm you feel inside when a compadre or partner in crime lifts the receiver for nothing more that the simple pleasure of hearing your voice and seeing how you are. This time of the year offers the least excuse and the easiest, most obvious opening lines ("How was your Christmas/ New Year? What did you get up to? Any resolutions etc) if your intention is simply to listen to someone talk enthusiastically about themselves for 15 min. You will be startled (or not, if you are already in the habit of doing so) at how much it brightens the day of another, simply by showing interest in their life. I had a harsh reminder of this when discussing my health with family this year. I was advised in no uncertain terms that it was unreasonable for me to expect concern for my back problems if people are unaware of them, to which I replied that I couldn't bring myself to just call my many siblings (I am the eldest of five) to moan at them about my spinal shortcomings. "Have you considered, my dear", my mum replied with a look of aghast incredulity on her face "calling your family every so often just to see just how WE are?".... Point taken, well and truly, and consider it a lesson learned, right there. Email, telephone, Skype, whatever it takes, connect with others, if possible arrange to meet up. Then you can both feel better after a bit of a moan, and besides, any problem shared is going to be a problem halved for either party. As we can see ourselves having a positive influence in the world around us, so our self esteem goes up, and thus we sleep with a lighter and gladdened heart at night.
6. Spring Clean ahead of schedule!
Why wait for Spring? You will burn those festive calories off in no time, your home will look gorgeous, and you wont have to avoid that pile of post by the front door with a guilty snort of derision. Come the warmer months, whilst others are looking despairing at the seemingly insurmountable challenge to sanitise, you can be sauntering along a canal with an ice cream, maybe fondling sandals with ill-advised plans and an expression of whimsy. There's something magical (well, I thing so anyway) about getting up early and emptying shelves of unused books, clothes and DVDs into boxes and carrier bags for the charity shops, or if needs must, Ebay. We all accrue and accumulate so much material nonsense, why wait for the warmer months to simply get rid of it all? Seriously, most of my DVD's I will never watch again anyway (two copies of "WWII in Colour" - really?) and half my books are of the slasher/torture-porn variety (James Patterson/Karen Slaughter/Val McDermid etc). The other half of my library (Buddhist books notwithstanding) comprises of a few classics but mainly John Grisham's legal thriller novels. The most popular male author on the planet he may be, but it doesn't stop his output being uniformly useless to me nowadays. There is nothing wrong with any of the above authors, but really, how badly do I want to read these books, and how much is simply me wanting to have aesthetically appealing and 'well stocked' (read: full) bookshelves? I recall the example set by a friend of mine, an Order member called Pramodana (some of you may have read about him already in "Part Five - Spiritual Death" of our Christmas Carol expedition) who passed away in early December. Before he died, he made the decision to de-clutter his life, saying: "I like the idea of my body being taken out of an already clean and empty room, and the door simply being closed behind as the light is turned off, leaving no mess behind." To put this into effect, he simply gave away as much of his possessions as he possibly could, and coupled with his sudden need to prioritise some books and endeavours in his remaining six months, this task was made all the easier. He got his wish by the way, and very happy he was with it too! It just goes to show that having less 'stuff' can indeed bring us untold riches, taking delight in the lack of clutter and detritus. Besides, think of all the potential power they hold, all the pleasure that others will get from them, having now served their distracting purposes for me. For Buddhists, this manifests in the third precept: "With stillness, simplicity and contentment, I purify my mind"
At the end of the day, we can have the best of intentions, but life will rarely meet all our expectations, or visa versa, if ever. The whole point of the Buddhist path is not to make your little space in Samasara (everyday life) as cosy as possible, or trying to barter with it. It would be foolish to assume that "If I meditate, then can I expect good things to happen to me." The whole point of Samsara is that it CANNOT BE PERFECTED! Life cannot be brought entirely under our sway or control, and there will always be, on some level, some kind of suffering for someone, somewhere in the world. We all just have to take our turn in the stocks every now and then, thats all. Life is ultimately unsatisfactory. No matter how much celery you eat or sleep you get you will one day grow old and grey (hopefully), and after a comparatively short while with us, you too, like every other single life on this planet before you, shall expire. Why then make such a brief stay on this planet any harder than it otherwise need be?
We leave school, college or university in our late teens or early twenties, assuming we are not mature students. We then have probably less than 10 years of peak (or socially acceptable) physical conditioning before our 30's usher in ever-expanding waistlines, grey hairs and an almost unstoppable decline into eventual senility and decrepitude. No matter where we are on that timeline, that fact that we are alive, and with no guarantee for how much longer is in and of itself a silver-bullet solution to our complacency. Whether you are 18 or 80, there is no excuse for making life harder for ourselves than it otherwise need be. At the same time, we can use any dissatisfaction to maybe peer under the lid into the true nature of things. It all comes down to whether we chose to look for the lessons in our everyday experiences, and subsequently learn from them.
To those friends of mine who, like myself, have struggled or are struggling to keep it together this time of year, my thoughts are with you, truly they are. For any of you feeling merely a little burnt-out, a little deflated, toxic, bloated or otherwise jaded by it all, I ask you to ask the person in the mirror - "What can I do today to set in place a happier future for me and those around me tomorrow?"
Meditation is an excellent tool for 'checking in' with ourselves and seeing how best we can extend that kindness to our future self. Due to the fact of 'Dependant Origination' (or 'Pratitiya Samutpada', a Buddhist teaching whereby all phenomena have causes and effects, dependant on each other) we can use our rational intelligence to assess which, if any of the above, would apply to us today or make our lives easier in the future. This 'future' could be later today, tomorrow, next week or in 30 years, but if we can choose contentment and gratitude over sensual pleasure, craving and aversion, we can find ourselves of more than adequate means, energy and inclination to revel both collectively and individually in the rich opportunities for spontaneity that the present moment affords us all. Now THAT is something worth smiling about!
Yours, with a peppermint tea and a stick of celery,
The Dharma Farmer xx
May all beings be well, may all beings be happy, may all beings be free from the bonds of suffering,
This article is dedicated to R.M. I am with you every step of the way, my brother.
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