The First Noble Truth is inescapable. From time to time we all suffer, and recently has just been my turn in the stocks. It's nothing personal, of course; the universe doesn't hate me! Although we should always strive for fairness whenever possible, I find the notion of life somehow being fair or otherwise a frankly ridiculous and damaging one. If you believe in a universe without a creator-God then towering waves should come as no surprise. After all, in this world view (to which I happen to subscribe), things simply happen and phenomena arise based on cause and effect, and it is up to us to discern fact from value judgement; seeing situations as 'bad' rather than simply challenging makes life immeasurably harder, but more on that another time. If, on the other hand, you do believe in a creator-God, then such 'dark days' can become a massive thorn in a perennially tangled mass of theological brambles. In essence, if all phenomena become "acts of God", so in theory both my triumphs and tribulations are micromanaged by a cosmic adjudicator, passing judgement on me. My fortune reflects who I am, or who God thinks I should be. Either that or I am being tested, according to Christian friends. This is a notion I would find terrifying, and would probably just spend most of my life feeling persecuted, confused and embittered. I am no Job and have enough sleepless nights these days as it is.
Either way, as a Buddhist, the last 18 months have been of great use, and I might even have learnt something through the ups and downs. Over the years and through both my practice and study of the Dharma, I can see little positive changes in myself accumulating here and there, and I have noticed recently that when life hands me a shit-sandwitch, I'm getting better at taking mindful, equanimous bites. I'm also getting better at not seeing things as arbitrarily 'good' or 'bad', and then telling myself stories based on emotional responses. Instead of my habitual self-absorbed pouting or over-excitement, I can dwell in possibility and apply myself mindfully to lessening my suffering. Put more simply, I'm better able to spot a dark temper or mood on the horizon, and respond accordingly to prevent it getting worse. A few deep breaths, a few gentle reminders that thoughts are only real to myself and I'm back on track, or at least limiting the damage.
As I mentioned in the last post, the Buddha taught that 'suffering' is either primary or secondary. We experience the initial sting of loss, and almost immediately and subconsciously create a narrative in response to the pain ("I can't bear this... this always happens to me... I don't know how much more I can take... It is just like the time that person 'X' did such and such... etc). We all suffer unavoidable knocks and setbacks in life (after all, it is rather big and complex) but it's how we respond that should be of most interest to us. In this challenge, a spiritual gauntlet is thrown down through unimaginable time and space. It is the making of us, quite literally. We do have a choice about how we respond to the various vicissitudes of life. Again, that Christopher Reeves quote reverberates around my mind... "Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional..." It's a life-long commitment to take increased responsibility for one's habitual responses which is the hallmark of the spiritual life, a skill which we never stop improving in, hopefully. Taking full responsibility for one's ethical agency in the world, and your own responses to life cannot fail to move us closer to a lasting sense of contentment and robustness.
As I mentioned in the last post, the Buddha taught that 'suffering' is either primary or secondary. We experience the initial sting of loss, and almost immediately and subconsciously create a narrative in response to the pain ("I can't bear this... this always happens to me... I don't know how much more I can take... It is just like the time that person 'X' did such and such... etc). We all suffer unavoidable knocks and setbacks in life (after all, it is rather big and complex) but it's how we respond that should be of most interest to us. In this challenge, a spiritual gauntlet is thrown down through unimaginable time and space. It is the making of us, quite literally. We do have a choice about how we respond to the various vicissitudes of life. Again, that Christopher Reeves quote reverberates around my mind... "Pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional..." It's a life-long commitment to take increased responsibility for one's habitual responses which is the hallmark of the spiritual life, a skill which we never stop improving in, hopefully. Taking full responsibility for one's ethical agency in the world, and your own responses to life cannot fail to move us closer to a lasting sense of contentment and robustness.
That being said, when both my phone and my laptop were recently broken in a 72-hour period of electronic genocide, I wasn't exactly overjoyed. The phone, an iPhone 5, still has a few more payments before it is even technically mine. £550 worth of payments to be exact. Literally only days prior to all this, I had decided in a fit of childish petulance to cancel all my insurance policies in order to save money. Hey, it's £12 a month I really need, right?
I've never claimed on an insurance policy anyway, so to hell with you, O2! Well, now O2 have my phone, and my testicles, firmly in their iron grip. I feel very, very stupid, and the replacement they gave me is so old I had to consult the Rosetta Stone to fire it up. Texting, WAP (do people even still call it that?), photos etc - all avenues of pleasure temporarily blockaded off through a mixture of incompetence and technological limitations. Oh, and I've lost ALL my phone contacts.
Just to add to my potential woes, in it's final throes of existence, and with the slightest movement, my laptop dies. The battery has stopped charging, and I'm running straight from the mains, baby! If not actually living on the edge, I'm most definitely typing on it. Joking aside, it's all very testing. My inability to use Facebook, Instagram and Twitter has felt really weird but after a few days I'm over the worst of the delirium tremors. Whilst it's easy to make light of it, a terrifying number of both adults and children are addicted to social networking, and often with very real and damaging consequences for them and their loved ones. Children fail tests and adults loose jobs through late nights trawling desperately for online stimulation and interaction. It's why forums can be so deadly for those in need of productivity as we get addicted not only to the responses of others, but also and less obviously, to the idealised version of ourselves which we present to those people. We can be wise, pithy, lol'd at or with, as well as inhumanly cruel to others from behind the reassuringly anonymous glow of our mobile devices and computers. People get addicted to 'trolling' too. Unable to assert themselves in the real world (i.e. offline), many take to throwing their digital weight around, belittling others and in some cases actually goading people into suicide. I'd like to feign surprise at this, but alas, you know me too well, and nothing surprises me less, given how suffering always stems from ignorance, hatred and greed. Why should the online world be any different?
I recently posted something on Facebook about my frustration at being on painkillers (Tramadol) for the last four months, as although it enables me to manage the pain, the side effects before they kick in are invariable nausea and confusion, detachment issues, drowsiness etc as well as facial numbness and slurring of words. I have to chose my moments to write very carefully indeed, and break every 30 min to stand up and walk about before the pain starts to accumulate uncontrollably. Although vastly improved, the use of my left leg is still no-where near 'normal', and some days my mobility is still pretty limited. Train journeys still suck and usually hurt like hell, but at least now I don't fight it. On the balance, and combined with some remnant grief-related insomnia I'm sure you can understand why I felt the need to reach out to others online to see if they might be able to offer any pointers, as well as to moan about my phone being waterlogged and smelling faintly of urine. What resulted was shocking, even to me, as my 'conspiracy-theory' friends quickly declared all-out war on my 'medical-professional' friends, several of them nurses. Debate raged furiously over the effectiveness of prescription drugs, the pharmaceutical industry in general and then finally professional and personal attacks, character assassinations and violent, hurtful language. Two nurses emailed me, upset at the 'psychos' I associate with, asking if they could 'un-friend me' for 24 hours in order to get away from the abuse. Shocking stuff, and several of the combatants failed to even acknowledge my upset and frustration, launching into 2000-character grindings of their various axes instead. I believe it's called a hijacking. There were no demands, just carnage.
I'm not here to pass value judgements, but I can chose to be a part of this cavalcade of nonsense or not, and after a few days reflection, I'm going to take a long-overdue break from social networking for a while. I am constantly having to deal with a myriad of various 'push-notifications' from all of the above, and although I will check my emails when I can, until I can afford a new laptop and sort a phone out I am 'going dark' as Jack Bower would say. I am hoping that affording technology a simpler, less frenetic role in my life will lead to a lessening of my habitual and almost compulsive posting online. These means of connecting with others I have always found inspiring, and I adore sharing thoughts, reflections, uplifting quotes etc. I have my personal profile and of course, The Dharma-Farmer has a separate profile to deal with professional matters and work, publish articles/blogs/poems etc. As you know, I have profiles on Twitter and Instagram too, and I think the hardest thing will be having to go without taking photos, spending time lovingly editing them to try and convey the beauty I saw in that moment. I've found it really therapeutic these last few weeks, but it should inspire me to dig out my digital camera (when did I last use that?) and maybe even set aside time specifically for photography in my days. Writing will be 'the old fashioned way' i.e. quill and ink, so this is probably the last you will hear from me for a while as I don't earn much on my part time wage whilst I slowly progress through a phased return to work. Who knows how long it will be before I can afford new technology?
I don't know what will happen, but I know something will, it always does. It's how I respond to it that will define what emerges 'at the other end'. In reality, of coarse, life is really just a constant flow of experiences and reactions, internal and external, no more and no less, into which we are all mysteriously thrown, and within which we must find our own paths to contentment and happiness. Every day abounds with choices, even if we aren't aware of it most of the time, and if we have a choice to do something or not, then we feel less trapped by it. For example, I chose to work where I do because it helps others, taking time to listen to and console often distressed people, which really make a difference in their day. I earn a crust as a police consultant and public liaison for victims of fraud, which is a very intense, fast paced job, usually typified by lots of people shouting/screaming at me or floods of tears. I proudly perform this role because it genuinely helps others, and because I can. It also ensures every day is different, with an unending supply of challenges to help support and perpetuate my Buddhist practices of mindfulness and compassion, as well as engendering in me the gift of patience. It's not every day you see the direct link between the three poisons (anger, ignorance and greed) and suffering. If I approach my job in this way, feeling like what I do is worthwhile and out of choice, I can create an arena for personal growth which benefits all. If, in your world, you can choose to alleviate suffering for people and suffer not yourself, you aught to. It really is that simple. I've also been wondering if Life may not have an intrinsic, universal "meaning" after all; It is not a message to be decoded or translated, it simply is. However, it can always be lived with a sense of purpose and initiative, even if that purpose is to find our own meaning and methods of creating pockets of happiness within the madness.
I don't know what will happen, but I know something will, it always does. It's how I respond to it that will define what emerges 'at the other end'. In reality, of coarse, life is really just a constant flow of experiences and reactions, internal and external, no more and no less, into which we are all mysteriously thrown, and within which we must find our own paths to contentment and happiness. Every day abounds with choices, even if we aren't aware of it most of the time, and if we have a choice to do something or not, then we feel less trapped by it. For example, I chose to work where I do because it helps others, taking time to listen to and console often distressed people, which really make a difference in their day. I earn a crust as a police consultant and public liaison for victims of fraud, which is a very intense, fast paced job, usually typified by lots of people shouting/screaming at me or floods of tears. I proudly perform this role because it genuinely helps others, and because I can. It also ensures every day is different, with an unending supply of challenges to help support and perpetuate my Buddhist practices of mindfulness and compassion, as well as engendering in me the gift of patience. It's not every day you see the direct link between the three poisons (anger, ignorance and greed) and suffering. If I approach my job in this way, feeling like what I do is worthwhile and out of choice, I can create an arena for personal growth which benefits all. If, in your world, you can choose to alleviate suffering for people and suffer not yourself, you aught to. It really is that simple. I've also been wondering if Life may not have an intrinsic, universal "meaning" after all; It is not a message to be decoded or translated, it simply is. However, it can always be lived with a sense of purpose and initiative, even if that purpose is to find our own meaning and methods of creating pockets of happiness within the madness.
There are a million little ways we can make this world a better place, day by day, through our own individual effort. I have spent two years deliberately engaging with social media and networking sites intent on sharing daily positivity, peace, love and understanding, and tried to be on call 24 hours a day for those who wanted to ask something or speak to someone. I'm not burnt out, far from it. I merely feel like taking some time out to get perspective on how my border-line addiction to Facebook etc affects my mind during the day, and what affect that has on my life as a whole over several weeks. Unsurprisingly, I can spot an addict a mile off. The devil knows his own. Without a 'smart' phone, I will also be unable to listen to music on my commute to work in Manchester city centre. Already am finding that the marked increase in my daily Dharma intake leaves me lighter in step, mentally refreshed and inspired for the day ahead. Certainly more so that the habit of checking my Facebook profile the moment I wake up!
I realise that I need both 'active time' and 'calm time' in my life, and I'm curious to see how I struggle with the changes, and how I might benefit from reducing input. Three years ago I stopped watching Sky News over breakfast because it was too much information too early in the day, and besides which, was depressing me and distracted me from my meal. I had noticed that I was getting anxious if I didn't know, blow by blow, what was going on in the world. I've recently noticed this same neuroticism amongst non-Buddhist friends with regards to the recent actions of Putin's sizeable armed forces in the Ukraine. It's going to be hard, but I've put away my digital soap box, for now. Needless to say, the situation in that part of the world is unlikely to end in cuddles and a mutual agreement to better love thy neighbours. It's very sad, but it's also being presented to most of us via news corporations who want to raise the story, charge advertisers more and sell more newspapers. Another sad truth, and another soapbox temporarily discarded.
I realise that I need both 'active time' and 'calm time' in my life, and I'm curious to see how I struggle with the changes, and how I might benefit from reducing input. Three years ago I stopped watching Sky News over breakfast because it was too much information too early in the day, and besides which, was depressing me and distracted me from my meal. I had noticed that I was getting anxious if I didn't know, blow by blow, what was going on in the world. I've recently noticed this same neuroticism amongst non-Buddhist friends with regards to the recent actions of Putin's sizeable armed forces in the Ukraine. It's going to be hard, but I've put away my digital soap box, for now. Needless to say, the situation in that part of the world is unlikely to end in cuddles and a mutual agreement to better love thy neighbours. It's very sad, but it's also being presented to most of us via news corporations who want to raise the story, charge advertisers more and sell more newspapers. Another sad truth, and another soapbox temporarily discarded.
I really want to encourage people to experiment with reducing their daily distractions, in the sense of becoming more aware and selective over that to which we expose our minds. I wouldn't dream of advocating denial, ignorance or osterich-like avoidance of events of global significance (such as potential land wars in Eastern Europe), merely a gentle reassessment on how dominant a role modern platforms for communication (the News/Twitter/Facebook etc) plays in our lives. A recent study by Harvard University shows that when we share our subjective experiences or engage in self-disclosure online, the same part of the brain which makes sex pleasurable or crack so addictive is stimulated, as well as finding that on average up to 40% of an person's daily conversation is about their own subjective experiences! The question for me is really about whether I am willing to accept this as an excuse for my own online posturing and subtle self-absorbtion? Rather than simply being addicted to Facebook or Twitter, is the real problem my addiction to myself? To what extent am I an approval junkie? Could reducing my input help this trend? Do I ask too many questions?
Sangharakshita mentioned this reduction of input in a speech given in 1993, a time I recall well, way before even computers were commonplace, much lest PIntrest. The eight-minute video in the link below should hopefully give us much to consider, and I hope is of use to you, dear reader. If nothing else, it provides much to reflect upon with regards to our own lives in general. Click here for the video. It was given as the first point of 15 in a talk written for those interested in exploring and bettering themselves through the teachings of the Buddha. It makes for compelling viewing, and so, unable to resist the temptation, I will leave you with this final compelling thought from Bhante himself, from the same talk. Pulling no punches, point six is: "Don't accept yourself". Provocative, intense and to-the-point, this is life changing stuff when applied mindfully and compassionately to oneself and others...! Enjoy!
Sangharakshita mentioned this reduction of input in a speech given in 1993, a time I recall well, way before even computers were commonplace, much lest PIntrest. The eight-minute video in the link below should hopefully give us much to consider, and I hope is of use to you, dear reader. If nothing else, it provides much to reflect upon with regards to our own lives in general. Click here for the video. It was given as the first point of 15 in a talk written for those interested in exploring and bettering themselves through the teachings of the Buddha. It makes for compelling viewing, and so, unable to resist the temptation, I will leave you with this final compelling thought from Bhante himself, from the same talk. Pulling no punches, point six is: "Don't accept yourself". Provocative, intense and to-the-point, this is life changing stuff when applied mindfully and compassionately to oneself and others...! Enjoy!
So, in danger of myself providing too much input, I bid you adieu... It is with a wrench, but you will be in my heart, my prayers, and my practice. May you too find time in your day for a few moments of peace and solitude; of deep, mindful breaths and a heart born anew, eager to talk. The question is, will you be paying attention? Will you be able to hear it's whisper?
Yours in Metta, after a quiet moment's pause,
The Dharma-Farmer xx
May the benefit gained in my acting thus be dedicated to the benefit of all beings.
May all beings enjoy and engender in themselves a longing for the bliss of equanimity, peace and tranquility.
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